the joy of eating and the folly of thinking

Brainscan (1994) – Dir: John Flynn (Best Seller)

This movie is beautiful trash – but it’s some of the best that you’ll find. The script is actually pretty good. The framing and visual style lack innovation, but it really sucks you in. It’s not senseless violence – there is a melody, a subtext of brutal reality checks.

There are scary horror movies. There are interesting horror movies (experimental) – these often feel more like creepy scifi. Brainscan is the third type, a fun horror movie.

The idea is to scare, certainly – but not with blunt force trauma to the head. Instead, it scares you with a story and characters which draw you into the horror world – the haunted house. And leave you there, stranded – while the monster giggles with chilling glee, from a dark corner. Luckily you can’t see his face – mutilated, warped and grinning. Please don’t let him turn around. Don’t let him get up. Oh my God! Oh my God!

This film is like that.

Michael (Eddie Furlong) is the loser hero, a horror fiend, with a mean computer setup – a rich kid with daddy issues. His is a life crying out for help – which arrives in the form of Brainscan, a horror video game/trip that will rip him off his perfect island, out of his oh so comfortable comfort zone, and force him to destroy the meaningless perfection in his so-called life. So that he can break out of the isolation he wears as a crutch, and attempt to make a connection with someone real.

While a fun concept and a cool story, with a great soundtrack, Brainscan is still a conventional horror film. It follows a formula. Despite this, if you’re looking for a conventional horror film, this is one of the best.

Typical character roles: Michael – the reluctant hero. Kimberly (Amy Hargreaves) – the love interest who is also an innocent potential victim. Trickster (T. Ryder Smith) – the cool monster. Detective Hayden (Frank Langella) – the cop. Dr. Fromberg (David Hemblen) – the despicable character – another potential victim to assert the idea that the monster may actually be necessary.

A fictional article from Fangoria magazine calls the video game, “The most frightening experience in existence on the planet. State of the art. Satisfy your sickest fantasies.”

They could have done so much more with that concept – “your sickest fantasies” But maybe that’s just me.

The great thing about this movie is that it came at a time when there were a generation of lost kids with no one to look up to. Hassled because they were different. In some cases because they were miserable and didn’t try to hide it and the mainstream had an upbeat façade which didn’t like the different dents.

Misery Loves Company. Gloomy kids want to hang out with other gloomy kids and be gloomy. The trouble is that nowadays, this hanging out takes place online. Firstly, their lives are ruled by their overseers, and parents are often forced to move away because of better job prospects. Secondly, if you’re a doctor don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure drugs and depression can lead to anxiety, chuck in a bit of bullying and you get nonconformist, despondent kids who avoid conflict and possibly even suffer from social phobia.

These kids weren’t born in the ‘70s, they were babies in the ‘80s. They don’t live in New York or Britain. They can’t cling to the Punk scene for strength, and if they do it isn’t genuine. They have no revolution to call their own. So they smoke cigarettes and drink coffee. And when bullied, they pull tighter into their cliques.

They are accused of becoming antisocial, which is apparently an arrest-able offence. And the squares compare them to the trench coat mafia. And they say that Coal Chamber or Marilyn Manson made them do it.

The first time I heard ‘Dez’ Fafara speak, I was surprised by how intelligent, articulate and insightful he was. Immediately, I was embarrassed by my surprise, which had shown me a prejudice I didn’t know was there.

All these kids want to do is be dismal with their friends, or perhaps only one friend in a small town. One person who understands his pain. And all the parents want is for him to smile, as if everything is alright.

And they want to scream!

Join a band, drop out of school, feel like maybe blowing something up, but not really.

And they like horror movies.

Because it takes balls to face your fears and for once in their small lives they want to feel strong without hurting someone weak, when all of life’s pressures overwhelm, crushing them so they feel only frail with a crisp shell.

Don’t touch her, she’ll never let you see her cry.

Don’t accuse him falsely, because he respects you and it hurts that you would think so little of him. Just one more slice of pain to feel, no more tears.

Don’t give any of them the satisfaction. Put on your mask and pump your ego – for a confident street march with your crew (is family.)

And they like horror movies.

Because they’re fun. Because their own life experiences are so mundane and without daring, they can be shocked from the safety of their bedroom. The bloodier the better.

Eventually, he outgrows the gore, but the pain remains. Nothing shocks him anymore.

This film speaks to those kids and to those of us who were those kids. It is both about a horror fan freak and a popcorn film for horror fan freaks.

With echoes of Little Monsters, but slightly more mature and grotesque, Trickster serves more of a purpose than merely helping Michael improve his life. Trickster offers strength, the power of perspective and a second chance, the experience of violence with none of the consequences – so he need not crave anymore, out of curiosity. Trickster also provides, with this experience, something unspoken, intrinsic. After a trip like this you aren’t just better, stronger, faster. After a trip like this, you aren’t even human anymore.

Kimberly as the love interest, isn’t particularly attractive – but young love is often like that. Her unique imperfections are just as lovely to him, as her pert cherry tits.

“She could be any girl in any window, and you know it!”

Before Andrew Kevin Walker wrote Seven, and the abysmal Wolfman, he wrote the screenplay for Brainscan, based on a story by Brian Owens.

Kyle (James Marsh) is a cool friend, a sweet knucklehead character. Spot the stoner, but he feels real and sympathetic to his friend’s life of pain. Kyle’s interest in horror movies is more base than Michael’s. Kyle watches horror movies like a connoisseur of French food. He doesn’t take it as a serious thing, his passion comes from the fact that horror films entertain him.

Whereas Michael seems to fixate on the gore – a form of therapy, replaying that night on the road in his head, a horror event in his own life – in a past he can’t change. Perhaps he just wants to feel something.

There is much to this beautiful trash, you will not find many like it.

4 stars

I’m a Cyborg but that’s okay (2006) – Dir: Chan-wook Park (Oldboy, Thirst, Stoker)

A quirky dream set mostly in a mental hospital. This is one of the strangest movies I’ve seen and that’s saying something.

Young-goon (Su-jeong Lim) thinks she is a cyborg because her Granny thought she was a mouse. Her Granny liked to eat nothing but radish. But the white-coats took her away when Young-goon was just a little girl. And she left without her dentures. This event tore up Young-goon’s heart.

Il-Sun (Rain – interesting story about this actor, if you do the research) is a thief and possibly a hypnotist. He is in the psych ward to avoid jail time. These are an unusual bunch of characters. The writing is funny and special, uniquely absurd. Therapy is anything but progressive or useful. It seems that the lunatics run the asylum.

Gop dahn thinks that she can fly with the aid of static electricity. Sul-mi tells brilliant lies (because the shock therapy causes her to lose her memory so she fills in the gaps with fiction.) Her lies are part of the narration, until the doctor arrives, informing Young-goon and the viewer that what we just heard was all bollocks.

The camera moves with style. The opening sequence of images is more interesting than the rest of the film. Each character is unique.

The start is visually striking, yet a little confusing due to the multiple foreign vocal tracks, and switching back and forth between the two key events. These events tell the story of the mother, Grandmother and Young-goon herself.

It begins with the mechanical voice telling Young-goon her instructions. She plugs herself into the mains and turns it on, successfully recharging her battery. Meanwhile her mother tells the doctor of Granny’s mental imbalance – when she found Granny feeding some wild mice and she said these were also her children.

Young-goon is a girl with no eyebrows, due to the electrocution. She had such a deep connection with her Granny that her own belief that she is a cyborg may not be as simple as hereditary mental illness. It could be emotional transference.

There is a missed opportunity here for expressing the psychology, emotional torment and state of environment which exists for an inmate in the loony bin. Instead we are seeing these exotic characters how they would be seen from the outside, by an observer who is privy to their every spoken word and action – such as a white-coat.

Il-sun seems able to steal just about anything from his fellow inmates, including Thursday. He stole one inmate’s politeness, which cured him. Then he gave it back.

“I’m a Cyborg but that’s ok” is a lot of fun to watch and it’s really nice looking, but the writing doesn’t feel all that meaningful. Girl thinks she’s a cyborg, won’t eat human food, won’t talk to humans. Doctor tries to make her normal. Girl defeats doctor and hallucinates killing all the doctors. Doctor continues oblivious to these delusions, to try and make her eat and talk. Boy likes girl, boy tries to help girl.

It’s funny, and fresh and interesting, but what really shines is the truth about therapy – it doesn’t matter what the delusion is, once they know it, they can start to work on your health. The real guts, the meat of the story doesn’t come about until the end. The pacing is all out of whack, the middle lags.

Young-goon is a sad, miserable cyborg who can’t let go. After a tongue pumping, she has a change of heart and, it seems, is saved by the boy, Il-sun. This part is as brilliant as it is strange: Il-sun figures out a way for her to cling to her fantasy but extend that fantasy to include eating human food, (because she is dying of starvation,) – he emulates the mechanical voice that she treasures from the beginning of the film, as he teaches her to eat. But she is anxious, will she go through with it? And if so, how will her life play out? She is a cyborg, she is a broken person, the solution is to leave her broken and manage life around it?

Perhaps this is the meaning, in drama we find it, but not clearly expressed in art.

2.5 stars

Shrooms (2007) – Dir: Paddy Breathnach (Freakdog aka Red Mist)

A group of American friends holiday in Ireland to trip on (magic) mushrooms, in this interesting Euro-style horror film.

The girl, Tara (Lindsey Haun), cute but frail, looks a little like Kristen Bell. Tara leads the charge, she’s keen to hook up with Irish tripper guru, Jake (Jack Huston).

The sturdy band of travellers find some retarded ‘indigenous’ people, who are hunting roadkill for dinner.

The cinematography feels Euro-minimalist, yet not quite Blair Witch Project. We get polished sequences. The film is shot in found hilly and heavily forested locations and much of the time it feels like natural lighting is used. They travel in a beat-up van.

However, we are treated to proper establishing shots and the basic framing expected from a several million dollar production – dolly tracking, etc. And beautiful close-ups. Rather than what is usually expected from the European Independent – mostly point of view and handhelds. The conclusion to draw is that this is most likely a mid-level budget picture with a European low budget theme.

Try not to recognise Sean McGinley (Braveheart) as one of the Euro-rednecks. Loving the Buddhist hipster wannabe, Troy (Max Kasch) and the jock mongoloid, Bluto (Robert Hoffman.) Jake and the girls are far more interesting as characters. But in a horror flick, you need the shitty characters as worthy victims – or so the mainstream (wannabe) writers seem to think. It is an established convention, which is often followed, almost a cliché.

Don’t eat the dreaded death-cap fungi – your heart will explode. It’s also a portal to another dimension and it can give you powers.
It really sucks when you’re the one who can’t move, and everyone else is dancing, having fun, getting into trouble, and you feel like you’re missing out. Because you’re blasted.

Tara feels resentment and fury building at the same time her premonitions grow stronger.

Outside the tent, Jake tells scary stories, but true stories. About the Black Brothers and the local massacre. This guy is a born horror storyteller.

The bickering is hilarious. Tara’s waking nightmares are evolving into something terrible. Ill-advised, many of the boys take the shrooms alone, before the time they agreed to take them as a group – due to impatience.

After that it almost feels like a Jason Voorhees movie. The gore is frightening and epic with echoes of Silent Hill. A walking dream gives way to youthful energetic lust. Horny, in between vomiting fits. Lust which meets with only slashing violence – steel and blood.

Who or what is this mystery monster? Is it the Black Brother or the Lonely Twin?

And can Tara prevent these viscious events from happening? No.
You can all be having the same trip, if somebody is influencing you.

Feel sorry for the cute hippy girl, Holly (Alice Greczyn) and her naïve pairing with the wannabe-zen idiot, Troy.

It’s a really fun idea, bringing American characters out of their comfort zone and into an overseas experience which in this instance ends violently. And what makes it better is to include the suggestion of premonitions and supernatural evil forces – slashing psychotic monsters combined with the rebellious fun of recreational hallucinogens – contrasted with the truth of what’s really going on. Reminds me of an EU Loaded (1994) aka Bloody Weekend, but without the filmmaking theme.

As a concept it’s great. The images in the story are also effective. The talking cow is cool and the hooded man-creature with the axe is scary. However, for depth of story, dialogue, style and character the writing is weak – the majority of male characters are morons, the girls are catty and we barely get to see a human side to them, the dialogue is expected and ordinary (except Jake’s story, also his delivery is perfect.)

This is a movie that takes itself seriously, so there aren’t a lot of laughs, either. Despite this, it’s a fun, gory, silly movie about drugs.

The whole concept of the death cap causing a psychotic break, and the ideology behind the lonely twin – these are ideas that could have been executed better. Overall I loved the experience, but it’s far from perfect.

3.5 stars

The Fifth Estate (2013) – Dir: Bill Condon (Breaking Dawn, Kinsey, Gods and Monsters)

Telling the main story in flashbacks has failed consistently in its effectiveness in contemporary films. We have seen this in the weaknesses of The Social Network and The Iron Lady and in most biopics. These movies have won awards from antiquated institutions by using stale stylistic flourishes, ways of making that have worked in the past. This results in an artificial and over-used feeling, with echoes of the Hollywood manufacturing machine.

However, The Fifth Estate sets a tone with this technique – and succeeds in two ways. First they use it carefully, and with reason.

Secondly, they start us off with an ending which we are not meant to fully comprehend… yet.

They don’t just use a flashback for lack of a better technique; they use the flashback, a distortion in time – to distort the viewer, to keep us off guard, while they begin at the beginning.

It seems almost to be homage to spy films – which is thematic because WikiLeaks (the subject of this story) is anti-conspiracy, anti-secrets, anti-spy. The purist anarchist.

And then the story begins to build context and character. We see personalities that are complex and intriguing. Nick Davies (David Thewlis) of The Guardian – an English guy with passion and intellect. And Daniel Berg/Schmitt (Daniel Brühl) – the cool, bearded programmer who is stuck in an office job which he is overqualified for. Breezing through life without challenges.

Until he meets, at a technology convention, a guy who he has been communicating with via chatroom, a Julian Assange.

Benedict Cumberbatch transforms himself into an abrasive twerp, yet seen under a different lens, a friendly, altruistic techno-genius. And the creator of WikiLeaks. The mad prophet is also a selfish asshole.

A stew pot of friendship brims with conflict for our quirky, stubborn, activist company founder, Julian and Daniel, the young voice of reason – with his incredibly supportive girlfriend – Anke (Alicia Vikander.)

The pieces are set in place, and then the play begins between our heroes, and the ancient newspapers that refuse to die. And between our heroes and the government. The woman, Sarah Shaw (Laura Linney) who (playing the role calmly and without any real commitment) fights for the government’s protection and the safety of her spies.

Anthony Mackie and Stanley Tucci round out the government bit players debating for the crushing of democracy with one swift boot heel.

The tragedy of the story is not the relationships and inevitable breakup of the key players at WikiLeaks. The real tragedy is the fact that through all the ground-breaking leaks that are supposed to change the world, our lives continue as if nothing happened. Jon Stewart repeated these words recently.

The world continues to turn, as corrupt and unjust as it was before. That transparency solves not the problem of gigantic institutions with power, such as governments and corporations.

The question is raised of the nobility and justification of the revolution and those with unswerving faith. But these are America’s fears.

The film digs into some interesting topics and forces us to think, but never breaks beyond thoughtful.

3.5 stars

The Hills Have Eyes (remake: 2006) – Dir: Alexandre Aja (Mirrors, High Tension)

I mainly love this film because I find it fricking scary. The creepy hillbilly mutants that hide in the caves, give me the chills.

Alexandre Aja is stylish and effective with this gory and shocking remake of a Wes Craven horror film.

Appreciate this, gentle reader. I scared myself shitless by rewatching this movie, and I did it for you.

The intro sequence begins as a person in a nuclear safety suit catches a CGI fish in a net, for testing. The music heightens the tension. He’s going to get got. Tight frames and the claustrophobic effect of seeing from the point of view from within his suit add to the anticipatory fright.

When the chase begins it is gory and disgusting. The contrast between these callous monsters and the country songs (to reflect the hillbilly theme,) alongside nuclear testing explosions create a feeling of terror and unease. Don’t watch while eating your dinner, folks.

Eventually we arrive at the main plot. There is still some mystery here, suspending your reaction – who or what is Ruby? The diplomatic garage attendant (Tom Bower), reluctant to play his part, versus the family of tourists.

This is what it’s all about, because, especially for Americans, this is a familiar scene. Holidays for many are cross-country road trips. And much of America exists as deserted towns on the edge of civilisation. Telling horror stories is very much about tapping into society’s common fears. We know the attendant is a villain, at least a little bit, because the severed ear does not faze, or even interest him.

Our story begins with a typical character-group introduction. Siblings at war now, will be re-established in contrast to this later, when the object of horror tests their relationship. The innocent mother and her even more innocent baby will be tasty victims.
The loser boyfriend will have an opportunity to prove himself as a man – a warrior, a hunter, protector of the innocents. It is the ignorance of the relaxed and uber-masculine father figure, Big Bob Carter (Ted Levine/Buffalo Bill) that drops them into this situation.

The moral of the story is don’t trust strange hillbillies and nowhere is safe from monsters. With wars going on oversees and guns for hoodlums in the streets, only the majority, the privileged – white middle-class family is safe from monsters.

They have felt safe for their entire lives, but partly due to this relaxed attitude they will now enter Hellfire and finally will be challenged and tested. We choose what we fight for.

Having pets to look after makes these characters vulnerable. If you are in a horror movie situation, it is that moment when you fail to disclose suspicions that you are being hunted, because you don’t want to be embarrassed by the wrongness of your overreaction. This is the moment when the monster wins. It preys on this opportunity – when your pride makes you weak.

These characters are interesting. Doug, (Aaron Stanford) the unwilling monster-hunter. The boy, Bobby (Dan Byrd) his reaction to his family, to Ruby and his sister and the dogs. When Bobby takes a closer look at how the animal was killed, he suspects it was killed by a blade and not another animal, and he runs away – falls and bangs his head, unconscious.

Favourite scene is the crucifixion and burning of one of the men, as a warning, but more so as a diversion so that two mutants can sneak into the caravan with a mind to rape the baby’s mother.

3.5 stars

Tucker: the man and his dream (1988) – Dir: Francis Ford Coppola (Dracula, The Godfather, The Rainmaker)

Preston Tucker (Jeff Bridges) sets a tone of vintage style and entrepreneurial optimism. Tucker knows cars and his experiences are not without achievements, but what he wants to do is impossible. He wants to make great cars, cars that are innovative, better than anything that has been done before. He wants to revolutionise the industry.

Tucker is a nice family man with a supportive wife, Mrs Tucker (Joan Allen.) He attracts great minds to his cause, and he is stubborn, half crazy and single-minded to a fault. However, that’s part of what makes him so successful. He always has a plan.

His relationship with his wife is not only vital to the story, but is a source of strength for the character. All of the actors commit completely to their roles. The design department, Alex Tremulis (Elias Koteas) is a shy genius. He cares about cars and he cares about people.

Mr Bennington (Dean Goodman) is the ignorant villain of this film, and he is so easy to hate. Despite the fact that Sen. Homer Ferguson (Lloyd Bridges) is the true antagonist. Bennington is a daft twit who thinks he knows everything.

When Tucker fights back, he eventually starts to succeed in his innovations of car design and construction. But when the government (fuelled by corporations) clamps down on independent entrepreneurs, they usually win.

Abe (Martin Landau) is wonderful as the businessman advisor to Tucker, and a family friend, like a quirky, but kind, old Uncle.

Tucker is obsessed with his work and his drive to change the world for the better. As tyrannical as Tucker can seem at times, it’s impossible to hate the guy, because his heart is in the right place.

Mrs Tucker saves the business at one point in the film, when Bennington has kept Tucker away on a publicity tour – and out of the way so he can take over the business and ruin Tucker’s car. She calls Tucker back. When Tucker returns, he rallies the men and they take over the old barn to start building the cars.

This is a tragic story of injustice. One good man against the American system. He doesn’t fear the wolves at the door; his only concern is corruption, deceit and the unjustified deconstruction of everything he’s built. However, when cornered he fights like a wild animal; with passion.

He will have his day in court, but the bad guys are using the justice system and they have only begun to spin their lies.
“If they can make headlines with lies, we can make bigger headlines with the truth.” It’s sweet, naïve and sad that she believes that. It’s tragic that those lying lawyers, the ignorant judge and evil senator will get away with their crimes.

Jeff Bridges is thunderous in his delivery of such a loveable character, and someone to truly hope for. Surely if the world is a great place and life is fair then hard work, optimism and attention to the craft will win out. The optimistic view-point is that in the end, winning depends on your perspective. The point that needs to be remembered is that in the real world, the powerful people cheat.

3.5 stars

12 years a slave (2013) – Dir: Steve McQueen (Shame)

A brutal historical drama (based on a true story) in a muted, morose way. Watching this film, feels like being bludgeoned. Sorry for him, but only that. Not moved, or changed by the experience.

It feels like the movie is only the first half of the story, it would have been nice if what happened afterwards, the effect that Solomon had on human rights, had also been in the film.

This is a difficult situation. Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor – American Gangster, Love Actually, Dirty Pretty Things) is trapped, feels hopeless. Feels like there is no way home, no way to fight.

So Solomon just follows the men who stole his life away, does what he’s told. “Shut up and accept your fate. You are a slave. You are nothing.” We can feel the hope slip away, the fight leaving his body, as one after another of his neighbours fall, (Michael K. Williams – Omar from The Wire: TV Series.)

He reveals his talents, which are a part of his own nobility and bear the secret of it, and it only raises his cost. Trading in flesh is indecent. Just how terrible, is carefully stretched and drawn – to show how long 12 years really would feel, as a slave.

John Tibeats (Paul Dano – Looper, Little Miss Sunshine) is an excellent villain. The world, life itself is the true monster of this story. The only difference between John and the calm, noble master, Mr Ford (Benedict Cumberbatch) is that John knows he is the enemy of right. There could have been more drama to sift from these moments.

It is easier for a man to chase favour from the guards, when protestations of innocence and privilege bring only beatings. To survive, rather than cling to the hope of victory over his injustices.
We have seen this visual style (or lack of) so many times before. It looks ordinary, though the writing is solid, slow and deep. The struggle of this one character, Solomon, though somewhat predictable, draws sentiment. He just wants life to go back to normal, even if it means giving up any hope of freedom.

At the last, he tries to stand up, to fight, and achieves nothing but, in Ford, a slaver who is familiar with him. He thinks, a friend, but if so, he is a friend who will not fight for him, will not lift a finger to rise him up.

Life for these men never rises above pain. No life can ever be good after this, not while slavery is legal. There is too much message in this film and not enough expression, emotion, intellect. His pain is not our pain. His predicament, the failure of his God to live up to his expectations, brings a small droplet of sorrow and empathy.

The story is not epic. There are no great scenes. No great deliveries. There is one interesting meeting between Solomon and Mistress Shaw (Alfre Woodard – Star Trek: First Contact) where she shares small gifts like rising above her station, contrast is felt where his station is not the one he owns, because he is not a slave, though his life would state otherwise.

Magneto (Michael Fassbender) as Mr Epps is an interesting nobleman. He is in love with a black woman whom he owns – name of Patsey (Lupita Nyong’o,) a fine worker who does not even try to fight her position, until out of nowhere one night, she begs Solomon for mercy.

Mr Epps appears to cry from self-loathing. Treating people like things is the beginning of sin, but Mr Epps sees himself as pure, as faithful and his view of the world is sacrosanct.

It is endless, the despair. Here, there is a lag in the story, in anticipation of a sweaty violence, which Solomon refuses to engage in, ending Patsey’s pain.

Mr Epps is crazy with the heat, with his belief, with his Patsey addiction. And we arrive where the story began. Solomon’s pathetic try to write down his plea to home. We eventually discover the purpose of his writing and it seems a simple scheme to save his life.

You can never know what it’s like and this film makes no attempt to help you understand. It is not for the longest time, does he give up the last of his hope. The ending is slow but meaningful, Brad Pitt makes an untidy appearance, delivering a handshake of fate and perceived duty.

Poor Solomon.

1 star

Before Midnight (2013) – Dir: Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, SubUrbia, A Scanner Darkly)

Parenthood is depressing, unlike the romanticism of the first meeting on the train. This film is depressing until Jesse (Ethan Hawke) starts talking about his writing – with the passion almost as full as it was in the first film (Before Sunrise.) The viewer may anticipate the terrible American faux pa at the dinner table, implied by Jesse’s character. But it doesn’t happen. Meanwhile, we become consumed by the conversations with friends about life and love.

Celine (Julie Delpy) and Jesse are in love, despite their real life conflicts which hit them repeatedly as they attempt to construct and define a family. It doesn’t give the viewer the desire for children, yet reinvigorates a faith in romance and deep conversations – connections with other people. Like coffee and cigarettes, but in Europe.

The beautiful conversations of the previous film (Before Sunset) felt forced. Not so, here. Now in their forties, and parents together, they are still enjoying the same conversations that they had when they met twenty years ago – which is nice while it lasts.

Unfortunately, eventually and inevitably, they devolve into two grownups fiercely arguing about problems with causes outside of their control. The greatest depression that is known, is adults blaming each other, when neither is to blame, – causing a disintegration of the emotional unit which leaves them resenting each other.

They go somewhere romantic, away from their kids – and spend the entire time arguing about the mundane ordinary miseries presenting as their most precious life obstacles, e.g. the ex-wife.

Julie Delpy’s breasts are still pink and French and beautiful. Sex between them still feels awkward and gritty and beside the point.

I don’t hate Jesse, but I can believe many women might think he’s an asshole. I feel a familiarity with him, not as a parent, but as the man in a couple, as a vocational writer, as an intellectual with the roots of a British colony.

The fighting is exhausting, but eventually it winds down to the existential sharing – as an attempt to understand each other. We think, ah this is civil. The argument is only blowing off steam. We forget that Celine is crazy and when she’s really bothered, she will destroy everything in her wake.

They want to always be a solid emotional unit which desires permanent ascension, but that is a fantasy. Love is dirty. True love is lasting and painful. There is no right way to answer the question – did you fuck her? Unless you didn’t, but she wouldn’t ask unless she was already sure that you did. And for the longest time she pretended that it didn’t bother her, even to herself.

We think the film is ending when she leaves with the best line, a line that frustrates, angers and saddens. A line that sets the tone for Jesse’s brave struggle against her denial of their love.

The story never arcs, sometimes bores, but consistently shakes the screen with a crashing ferociousness of raw honesty. It feels real, even though it’s mundane moments are not beautiful.

2.5 stars

The Boys Are Back In Town: New Zealand versus the World

A discovery of how various corners of the world deal with making movies about the child years of young men.
How exactly does a boy become a man? What is it that makes one different to the other? Is it a few years? Is it having a child of one’s own? Is it taking a knowing approach to death and thereby taking responsibility for one’s own life?

Boy A (2007: United Kingdom) – Dir: John Crowley (Closed Circuit, Is Anybody There?)

“Jack” (Andrew Garfield – the amazing spiderman/the social network) and his friend, Philip (Taylor Doherty) killed a girl when they were kids. Jack is not his real name. Jack is being protected because of the stigma and seriousness of the crime and what could happen if his identity were revealed. Jack spent most of his childhood in prison. Now that he’s out, and somewhat dependent, he desires independence and it isn’t clear whether he wants repentance or redemption.

Tortured by bad dreams which he cannot escape, Jack is perhaps by design, not the driving force behind the crime. However, he did the crime, the extent of his guilt is unclear. As innocent as he seems, he is culpable. The flashbacks in this film are artfully executed, as is the framing of the dialogue.

As a child in the strict English school where they are forced to wear lavish and pompous uniforms. Where it seems their environment is rigid, antique and soul-crushing, Jack as Eric meets Philip (elegantly performed by young Mr Doherty.) Philip is a firestarter, twisted firestarter. Seductive. The monster proves he is a necessary evil by coming to Eric’s rescue:

Some older skinheads who have beaten Eric up before, plan to do so again – just for something to do. Despite the boys being much older, Eric and his new friend beat the living shit out of the bullies.

Garfield is likeable as Jack – seems like a really nice guy, if you didn’t know his history. Peter Mullan is his usual excellent portrayal of a kind geezer with an education. There is a backstory of his relationship with his own son: As he tries to repair bridges. But the boy is jealous about the time his father spends working with other kids.

Eric/Jack finally manages to lose himself in the party – entitled to a little happiness. This story is a tragedy – but its little treasures make the sadness more effective.

Boy A is a story about a boy who loses his life to one mistake. In becoming a man, he must learn some of life’s more subtle lessons. Among them, that redemption is of the soul and does not extend to include other people, one’s freedom, impact on society or promise of a future.

A failed sexual encounter does not derail his hopes. He tries again and is rewarded with success, passion and one woman’s admiration. He feels that he does not deserve it.

His mate, Chris (Shaun Evans) is overwhelmed by how great a guy Jack is and extends an opportunity to discuss whatever is on his mind. But Jack can’t talk about it, so he says nothing. Chris feels deflated.

Boyhood (USA, 2014) – Dir: Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, SubUrbia)

Patricia Arquette plays the responsible mother who can’t seem to choose the right man.

“I thought there would be more!”

We watch Mason (Ellar Coltrane) grow up on screen, which is a great concept, yet it feels like the true moments, emotional answers are not given. The Ethan Hawke (as dad) obligatory Linklater intellectual rants are included in Mason’s ‘getting to know his father’ sequences.

It’s an experiment. As with Waking Life (2001), Linklater steps outside of his comfort zone to try something different. And then follows up with a stronger film – last time that was A Scanner Darkly (2006) having grown as a filmmaker through what he’s learned in the making.

Mason is our Truman Show-style star, yet he is emotionally vacant. Refusing to react to the outside world. We watch his waking moments struggling through reality and society, but it feels too much like a life – mundane and meaningless.

We are left to wait for something to happen. Two and a half hours and the only thing that happens is glossed over – Mason’s mother gets beaten up by a drunken new husband.

Mason’s relationships are only introduced, we don’t get to see anything real form. It’s as if everything meaningful happens offscreen.

When Mason’s mother chooses a boyfriend and advances the relationship, she aims for the opposite of Mason’s father, someone disciplined, and responsible. Who turns out to be a violent, emotionally unstable alcoholic. At first the father seems a bit like he has been painted with the loser brush – perhaps a subjective view from Mason’s perspective.

Eventually we watch the father evolve into what Mason’s mother probably wanted in the first place. A responsible, boring, castrated grownup. He’s not a great parent, absent for so long because he and their mother didn’t get along. He’s learning and he tries, he lacks commitment, but he’s a better father than the drunken, abusive bullies she keeps dating.

A key scene in this film is when Mason and his sister are rescued from the first drunken abusive father in law and they have to leave the two kids belonging to him at that nightmare house.

His mother feels almost like the centre of the plot, if it felt like this was on purpose it would make sense. A son’s world is his mother. But there isn’t really a plot, no meaning, no story.

Mason grows up and has to face the problem of making his way in the world. Life without mother. However, he is unfazed by this and life provides not the expected shock of a wakeup call. Everything works out. It’s just not realistic.

He survives quite easily and thrives. Perhaps that’s one of my problems with this film, it doesn’t explore conflict. It is one long story about an empty life where everything seems to work out in the end, and Mason gets by unchanged, unaffected by it.

Boy (New Zealand, 2010) – Dir: Taika Waititi (Eagle Vs Shark, What We Do In The Shadows)

Boy (James Rolleston) is an optimist. Two boys and their littler siblings and cousins/friends. An absent father. A dead mother – she died giving birth to Boy’s little brother, Rocky (Te Aho Eketone-Whitu.) Rocky’s surrealist fantasies (though not visually interesting) seep into the main plot. This is Boy’s story.

I’m beginning to see a connection between stories about young men and useless fathers. Boy’s dad buried money (treasure) when he was running from the cops, now he can’t find it. He thinks he’s in a gang, but there’s only three of them. One of them is white, they’re all munters (though not particularly interesting characters,) and they don’t do anything except pinch stuff, smoke dope and drink beer. They’re not violent, they’re not even really criminals.

Boy’s dad, Shogun (Taika Waititi) is an ugly drunk. He’s actually a bit of a prick, even sober.

Rocky thinks he has superpowers. Boy tries to be like his dad. His dad isn’t much of one, afraid to feel anything for his kids. Yet another irresponsible moron.

Boy dreams of Michael Jackson dance moves – that were out of date even when the film was set. It’s one thing about small kiwi towns – they are time capsules. Nothing ever changes.

Chasing girls, trying to get sex. Chasing money, trying to buy lollies. Life in relative poverty, Boy’s beach paradise.

His father means everything to him, by the end of the film he will learn that his father is not perfect. And his father just might learn that he needs his kids. Their love gives him strength when he has nothing else.

Why the 2011 Green Lantern Movie Was Not The Worst Movie I’ve Seen

Green Lantern (2011) – Dir: Martin Campbell (Casino Royale, The Mask of Zorro)
In preparation for the Justice League movie and hopefully a new Green Lantern film, I thought it prudent to give some context, to enable people to step back a bit and consider the 2011 Green Lantern movie, as part of the bigger picture. And allow you, dear reader, to think that just maybe it’s not the worst movie you’ve ever seen, either.

This film contains some really cool transformations – Hal into hero and Hector into monster. The story is probably its biggest weakness. Especially the death of Hal’s father as backstory, which I suspect was stolen from Hot Shots (possibly originally in Top Gun.) I think it is a cool detail that the hero’s ring can’t be abducted and used against him – you have to be chosen. This makes The Green Lantern more formidable on the hero scale. Ryan Reynolds and Mark Strong commit wholly and deliver stunning performances for a weak script and dialogue that isn’t nearly as charming or witty as it seemed in the trailer.

The main enemy, Parallax is a boring character, but at least they show him. In Rise of the Silver Surfer, the Fantastic Four sequel, they didn’t show Galactus, instead there was a lame storm. So while these guys failed with their Parallax, at least they were giving it a go.

Parallax is an ex-Guardian, so his form is based on the Guardians, but it can’t be that difficult to make him look scary – just tap some horror movie talent.

Small thought: Hector touched his father’s face when he had the power, ‘Physical contact accesses mnemonic data.’ So he could have received some of the senator’s secrets.

I think it was a bold move to let the hero fail to save the senator – who is technically an innocent, even though he’s not a very nice person.

Besides the weak plot, overuse of exposition, flimsy characters and people treating Hal like he’s a child when he hasn’t earned this mistreatment. – I see no real reason why this movie can’t reach non-GL fans. Many superhero movies (Hulk, Thor and I didn’t think much of the first Avengers movie to be honest,) are just as bad, and still rake it in.

The imagery and vision is lacking in originality and effectiveness. However, the story serves the fans, reminding us of some of the cool things which we already love about GL. And the dialogue is cheeky and fun.

Hector’s monster is probably the best FX in the film. A lot of the digital stuff looks fairly cheesy. The big payoff, Parallax versus Hal is disappointing and one of the film’s major sore points. Also the conclusion to the battle, “The bigger you are, the faster you burn!” – is obvious to everyone except little kids who honestly aren’t even this film’s core fan-base.

A noble lesson is lasting, when Hal sacrifices himself to destroy the ultimate evil. The ultimate evil in this format could be compared to the Stephen King miniseries, It. Where the supernatural force representing the worst of all fears in the book, is simplified to Tim Curry as a clown serial killer for the screen version.

The visual element is this story’s most obvious weakness – in that a cohesive and palpable vision is, or at least seems, absent. However, the writing also fails in many ways. The love interest, conclusion to the battle, dead father backstory and the fact that anybody and their mother guessed that Sinestro will turn bad because of the yellow ring. Parallax is just not scary and he’s supposed to be the archetype of fear in the Universe. But perhaps most frustrating is the washed over mythos of The Green Lantern Core – too much expositional narration.

Battlefield Earth (2000) – dir: Roger Christian (Nostradamus, Masterminds)

A film frequently seen on the majority of worst movies of all time lists. Though personally, I did not hate this movie, I found it entertaining and interesting. Though silly and not particularly cerebral, the film is fantastic and quirky. And I’ve seen worse performances. The fight scenes are awkwardly muted and slowed down.

Humans are an endangered species – due to an absence of knowledge and education, after an apparent cataclysmic event (the great war – alien takeover,) humans have been reduced to a regression – living like primitive man. Thinking and behaving like Neanderthals.

Aliens, the Psychlos are considered demons, because of a lack of alternative thinking. The Psychlos have laser guns and they hunt humans for their slave trade. We are given man on the one side as the past – the caveman. And alien on the other side, as the future – the demons. Time alone seems to separate the opposing stations. But what keeps them apart is technology and beneath that, knowledge.

If our naïve hero can use his wild mind to steal some of the alien tech, he can lead a battle to topple the hierarchy.

I like the way that they mix the translated alien language with human language, with non-translated alien language – but I can see how this might be uncomfortable for some.

Some of the alien storyline feels like it’s taken from Deep Space Nine. John Travolta and Forrest Whitaker as the head Psychlo and his executive administrator – develop an alien storyline of out-weaseling one another.

The evil aliens discover that our hero is resourceful – he can handle an alien weapon, he kills two Psychlos – but this doesn’t save him. They underestimated humans. Finding that humans are smarter than they had thought, they decide to try and teach some to mine, because they wouldn’t have to pay them. Here our hero finds the God Machine/Knowledge machine. He learns about the Psychlos and realises that this knowledge could be their way out.

The story overall is simple, but interesting enough. The FX are cheesy and don’t look real, except for the makeup FX which are reasonably cool.

A B-movie often becomes one due to unoriginal writing and thinking itself big with a small budget. It seems this is the case, here.

Not Another Teen Movie (2001) – Dir: Joel Gallen (Zoolander)

Definitely on my list of worst movies of all time, this film is one of the first and worst of a series of ‘goofy comedies’ capitalising on the popularity of the bad and stupid slapstick and parody films before it. A trend created by the Scary Movie franchise which took the formula of the Scream franchise and dumbed it down for a stoned audience.

Something sickening about this film is that there aren’t any ugly teenagers, or even any attempt to make any of them ugly. Even the rejects (nerds, etc.) are pretty – boys and girls, both. The only odd-looking person is the really old woman satirising Drew Barrymore’s role in Never Been Kissed.

A woman orgasming is not funny. This is atypical of this movie’s misinformed idea of what is funny. Silly is not necessarily funny, this film is just packed full of stupid.

Not Another Teen Movie has one joke and it is played over repeatedly. Take the trappings of teen movies, create some irony and make it stupid. It’s also full of awkward moments. Though it doesn’t disappoint with its sexy. A naked Spanish exchange student who exists as an object of lust for young nerds who can’t get American dates. A beyond kinky catholic brunette. A slutty superficial blonde. And everybody important in this movie is ten years older than high school – which is the major point of the movie, it’s just not funny in the way they present it.

Some of the scenes are painfully stupid – like the scenes with Randy Quaid. Others push beyond awkward – Chris Evans, pre Captain America, tries to woo a nerd girl by singing a song with her name in it over the loud speakers. But he chose Janie’s Got a Gun, so she gets assaulted and arrested by the police.

The most obvious joke in the film is that the so-called ugly loser girl is actually hot (as is the case in She’s All That) And how easy it is to make her look hot, is supposed to be laughable.

Basketcase 2 (1990) – dir: Frank Henenlotter (Frankenhooker, Brain Damage)

My personal pick for the worst movie I’ve ever seen. A deformed creature who lives in a basket. Terrible expositional performances describe the origin of the creature. Ugly but fake-looking animatronic special FX. The Basketcase, aka Belyl is a monster who stalks and kills while his somewhat braindead human twin brother watches like a zombie and helps move him around as Belyl has no legs – just these massive arms and hands and deformed face on a blob of a body.

Cheesy dialogue and performances for the background characters – police, nurses, old lady and girl – friends of the creature and the twin’s family. Belyl calls his twin in a silly squeaky fake-sounding voice. The twin is an idiot and performs like a vacant tool. Eyes wide and twitching like a twit.

Belyl is a monstrosity but poorly designed and characterised in atypical B-movie style. We are introduced to the others. Other deformed creatures who are even worse puppets and makeup effects. Such as the opera singing Lorenzo – who has an oversized head and an underdeveloped body.

The puppets and puppetry are as terribly bad as the love story subplot between Belyl and one of the female creatures.

There is an element of hope in the Newspaper background subplot – slightly more intelligent and gifted acting in the investigative journalist and her boss. As they chase the story of the freak twins.

Crazy Doctor Freak is another cheesy character. He runs a fake freakshow – with his imaginative backstories and impressive nutball persona. He is soon found dead by the journalist – thanks to the old lady delivering Belyl another victim. “Ripping the faces off people may not be in your best interest.”

Troll 2 (1990) – dir: Claudio Fraggaso (Zombi 3, Guardian of Hell)

Often cited as one of the worst movies of all time, Troll 2 makes my list as well. The movie is cheesy, with terrible FX and the worst performances of all time. Midgets or children with boring, silly, unimaginative and poorly made goblin masks.

An old man (bad actor) reads a story about goblins to his grandchild (worse actor.) A beautiful girl with laughably fake freckles deceives a young man into drinking green sludge. And in an overtly fake transformation where he ‘sweats’ green slime, he turns into a half-plant, half-man for the goblins to eat him.

The grandpa was a ghost. The family go on vacation into the woods, a town called Nilbog which is Goblin spelled backwards. As corny as the story is, the writing – especially the dialogue is worse, and the acting even poorer. The worst acting in this film is the father played by Michael Stephenson – considered a stale performance.

The daughter and her boyfriend are another set of plastic representations of lame horny teenagers. A low point in this film is the silly, homemade special FX of the transformation from flesh to plant when the goblins catch up with the family, the boyfriend and his friends – after being tricked into eating some of the green sludge.

The masks aren’t even open-eyed, so the eyes never move, this makes the masks particularly fake-looking.

Also check out: Best Worst Movie (2009) – Dir: Michael Stephenson (the star of Troll 2 and also director of The American Scream: 2012) and Troll (1986) – Dir: the incredibly underrated John Carl Buechler (A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Halloween 4, Bride of Re-Animator)